I hope mine doesn't look like that
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
