I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
