Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
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