At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
