Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
