Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
