Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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