Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
