apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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