I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize