he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
