honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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