Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
