he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
