you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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