if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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