Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
