mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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