Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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