so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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