Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
