Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
