Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
