Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
