he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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