I want to make a zoo with you.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm both gender and math confused
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
