i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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