I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She's the barista slut.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize