I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
