You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
