1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
