This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
