I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
