i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
