he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Every concussion has its silver lining
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
