I'm jealous of your bromance
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
