i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
is this the sara with the beer cane?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize