Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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