i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
