ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
My ATM looks so different sober.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
