Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
