this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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