i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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