Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
