If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
