I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
