its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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