The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
