Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
