do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
