Plan B is the new Plan A
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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