we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
