I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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