Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize