Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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