i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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