Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I wish i was in the wii world.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize