So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
