I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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