Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
