Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
