If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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