i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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