The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
