We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
