sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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