A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
