I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
