I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
