I swear she didn't look like that last week.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
