So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
