Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
