Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
