Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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