that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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