They should really pass out barf bags in church
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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