you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
