Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
