Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
