it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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