She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
