Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
