he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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