i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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