can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
