She's JV to your varsity
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
