Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
